There have always been situations between and among students—related to relationships, classroom disruptions, or something else—that are elevated to school leadership. Middle and high school students, in particular, are still learning how to interact, engage, and exist with their peers who might have different opinions or, in their view, be a little different than them.
In 2020, when Kevin Benzing first stepped into the role of dean of students, he started to notice a trend in his school community at St. Paul’s Schools (MD). Teasing and negative interactions were having the potential, if not addressed, to turn into bullying incidents. Often, he saw that the victim was more upset and frustrated by their peers’ inaction than by the original altercation. As students shared their experiences with Benzing, they regularly asked why no one had stepped up to help.
Benzing, and his colleague, Caroline Miller, director of learning services at St. Paul’s, who he’d shared his experiences with, recognized what was happening. There’s a social psychological theory, in which people are less likely to help someone in need when others are present. It’s called the bystander effect. People might wait for someone else to intervene, they might worry about being judged, or they might not know exactly how to help.
As we listened to students who had been in situations when others attacked them with words, or worse, we started to think, What if a bystander had intervened in this situation? Would conflicts decrease? Would students hold each other accountable? What is the school’s role in addressing the bystander effect?
As these situations continued to come to Benzing’s office, he knew he needed to help the upper school students learn how to navigate the barriers to overcome the bystander effect. It would require them to step out of their comfort zones, and for us, as educators, to consistently encourage students to make brave decisions in the classroom, on the athletic field or stage, and in their social lives outside of school. We needed to teach students how to act rather than retreat.
Understanding Our Action or Inaction
Why do we sometimes fail to act when we see others in need of support? What prevents us from being upstanders rather than bystanders? Unfortunately, it’s human nature. A 2019 study published in The Central European Journal of Pediatrics, “Empathy and Moral Disengagement as Predictors of Bystander Roles in School Bullying,” explored just that: the fear of getting involved, the fear of making the situation worse, and the fear of jeopardizing our social acceptance. However, a willingness to have empathy and try to understand another person’s perspective may help us overcome these natural barriers.
As we began the journey to better understand why students don’t stand up for their peers at our school and how to address it, we asked bystanders in these situations, “What were you thinking in that moment?” Often, they would reply, “I wasn't thinking.” From this response, we were getting a glimpse into the teenager’s mind. They are not often thinking of the cause and effect of situations in their day-to-day life. Even when they see something they know is wrong, high school students don't engage in thinking outside of their world.
At schools, we can proactively encourage an environment that fosters the real-time willingness and ability to see different perspectives. When a student witnesses another student bullying a peer, how would the observer feel if they were in the victim’s position? In the moment, high schoolers might struggle to make connections when quick actions are necessary. But when they are in a calm and safe environment, talking about scenarios that encourage this perspective-taking, they can better develop thoughtful decision-making skills and role-play how they might respond in different scenarios in order to stand up for others. Perspective-taking can increase empathy, overcome situational barriers, and empower students to advocate for themselves and others.
But this work isn’t a one-time conversation. It takes ongoing reminders, open dialogue, support, and, at times, discipline. To foster greater empathy at schools, we also need to encourage active listening—to begin to hear other people’s concerns. When we listen, we can begin to put ourselves in another person’s shoes. It’s a powerful practice that can lead to reflection, questioning, and growth. When we practice this, we will be more likely to step up in a time of need.
In Practice
In 2022, we intentionally began to talk more about the bystander effect in our community. It bolstered our existing community standards and reinforced our mission. In student orientations, we discuss our expectations as a community and how our actions or inactions affect all members of our school. As part of the ninth-grade seminar and leadership courses, we build active listening into the curriculum so students can learn early how to build empathy early in their upper school career. During assembly time throughout the year, student leaders share positive and negative observations they are seeing regarding our school standards and mission. Having students discuss the school’s mission with each other is a positive way to share concerns and patterns.
As part of this work, and to hold ourselves accountable, we have leaned into our long-established Discipline Committee (DC), which includes faculty, a peer-elected vice president, and grade deans. This committee meets when students break key community standards to handle punitive actions for students’ misbehavior. For example, they would not have a meeting for a dress code violation, but they would for issues related to disrespect, substances, or insensitive language.
When a student comes to the committee for breaking community standards and expectations—which includes being observed as a bystander—the committee asks the guiding questions: What is best for the student, and what is best for the community? Listening and gathering information, the committee discusses consequences for the student, whether punitive or restorative.
A recent situation involved a group of boys who were teasing another student. Their case was sent to the DC, which found all of the boys guilty of breaking our community standards, including one boy who was observed as a bystander. The boys who had teased another student and the bystander all received consequences for their actions, but the conversations were different. The bystander and the DC discussed themes such as: Why didn’t you remove yourself? At what point did you feel you were doing something wrong? What was a positive outcome of you not taking action?
Through this experience, the DC learned that the student was not thinking about his role in these interactions and that he struggled to intervene with his peers. He did not want to go against the crowd and speak up for what he thought was right. Through these conversations and moments of reflection, the student realized that his inaction was just as harmful as the behavior of the other students involved.
Students are learning that they can show leadership in a variety of situations, even those that make them uncomfortable. By addressing the bystander effect as part of our school’s community standards and creating a culture that openly talks about how to stand up for ourselves and others, we are helping students build the skills that will develop empathy and help them see another’s perspective and deescalate the moments that don’t have a place in our community. While it is important to hold ourselves accountable, the real challenge—and the key lesson we strive to impart to our students—is the courage to hold others accountable.