Sitting at the dining room table in my granddaughters' home, I began reflecting on the intersection of parenting and society. In particular, I found myself thinking about Maria Montessori's views regarding the role of parenting in society. In her book The Secret of Childhood, she writes, "Parents have a very important mission. They are the only ones who can save their children by uniting and working together for the improvement of society."
With my immersion into Montessori education over the past 11 years, I am repeatedly reminded of how much of what Dr. Montessori professed more than a century ago continues to apply to society today — indeed, can still be used as an excellent guide. Let me explain.
At the time of this writing, my wife, Chris, and I were in charge — at least we thought we were — of taking care of our precious progeny. For us, there is no greater delight than caring for our beautiful grandchildren while our son and daughter-in-law devote time at work — building their careers and savings for future college tuitions and retirement. Even though those landmark events are decades away, they are being diligent and prudent in their planning now, building their nest egg as best they can. Now that Chris and I are retired, we're more than happy to help in the care of the girls, and to ease our son and daughter-in-law's struggle... and conscience.
Twelve years ago, I wrote an article, "The Most Important People," about the challenges of raising children and building a career. Since then, many schools and other publications have asked permission to reprint it. Clearly, it struck a chord in readers. Naturally, I was pleased that others could learn from my experiences — especially the challenge of caring for my children, pursuing a career, and finding time for Chris and my own individual interests. While the order of demand on my time back then was career, children, Chris, and personal life, I was consumed by a guilt that let me know that it should be children, children, and children... then wife, career, and, on occasion, personal interests.
Now retired and living close to our granddaughters, Chris and I devote time to caring for them. It gives us much pleasure and satisfaction. Heck, two generations ago, I can vividly remember growing up in the same town as my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a blue-collar town made up of many two- and three-family homes. I distinctly remember visiting my grandparents who lived on the second floor in a two-family house where they could take care of their grandchildren — my cousins — who lived with my aunt and uncle on the first floor. And wouldn't you know, as time passed and the grandchildren moved out and my grandparents grew old, they were cared for by my aunt and uncle. They lived right below. Pretty convenient and quite sensible.
Now with my baby boomer buddies, our offspring are spread all over the country, acquiescing to the demands of career building, thus making cross-generational childcare a thing of the past and "nanny care" the default setting. Well, that is where Chris and I come in. We are determined to change that paradigm by living in the same town as our granddaughters (though certainly not in the same house). We see this arrangement as critical to the well-being of our children and grandchildren. Chris and I knew that we did not want to miss seeing our grandchildren grow without our witnessing their physical, cognitive, and emotional development every step of the way. Also, if we can reduce the stress and guilt that accompanies two working parents, so much the better for everyone.
The realities of setting family priorities were all confirmed for us in The Secrets of Happy Families, by best-selling author Bruce Feiler, when he writes: "Survey after survey shows that parents and children both list stress as their number one concern. And if parents feel harried, it trickles down to their children. Studies have shown that parental stress weakens children's brains, depletes their immune systems, and increases their risk of obesity, mental illness, diabetes, allergies, even tooth decay."
With a 75-year foundation in education between Chris and me, we are fortified for taking care of our six-month-old grandchild and her toddler sister who is enrolled in the nearby Montessori school. How fortunate for them and us that we can set our priorities such that they are the most important people in our lives. Wouldn't it be nice if more of us could keep these family connections close?
By the way, the only reason that I could gather my thoughts and write this piece is because both granddaughters were napping.