Having seen our children graduate six to 10 years ago, Tim and I now find ourselves being independent school parents of younger children once again. Fortunately, we’ve discovered on our campus that we are not alone in being older dads of either biological or adopted children. National research bears this out as well. In the past 30 years, the number of men fathering children while in the 40- to 44-year-old age group has increased 61 percent. For men aged 50 to 54, there has been an 18 percent increase in the number fathering children.
While energy levels for older dads are less than for younger men, there are many advantages to being one of these dads. The major benefits often include greater financial resources, increased time to spend with children, and more flexible work schedules. Decreased testosterone levels starting at age 30 also help dads be more patient and less reactive to the stresses of work and family life. Recent research into these benefits has found that children have stronger relationships with older dads. For us, being able to relive our fathering experiences is one of the greatest mulligans of our lives. Together, we offer these suggestions for making the most out of your older fathering experience.
1. Health. If you want to be around to dance at your kid’s wedding and live to see your grandkids, you have to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle. If you’ve gotten out of the habit of exercising, start now. If you do exercise, you need to do so wisely. Gone are the days of high-impact training; replace that with low-impact, moderate endurance exercise. A daily nap, combined with low-carb intake, keeps our energy levels high for our active children.
2. Older Siblings. With both of us having older children, we find that siblings play an important role in fulfilling some of the active roles that younger dads are able to take on. Whether simply horsing around, staying up later, or practicing sports for hours on end, older siblings are loved by the younger ones and help bridge the energy gap between younger and older dads.
3. Structured Energy. In order to maximize your available energy, it’s important to structure the activity needs of a young child. Try creating specific activities during various times of the day for you to bond with your child. Soccer games, visiting restaurant kitchens, and fishing for golf balls are standards for Tim and his preschool son. Craig enjoys reading the newspaper with his nine-year-old daughter every morning at breakfast, pushing her on the swing in the afternoon, and bike riding on Sundays. For preschoolers, there’s nothing like naptime for both child and dad.
4. Adventures. The benefit of both time and financial resources means you have more flexibility to take your kids on adventures. Whether it’s two or three hours after school or longer adventurers on weekends or during the summer, these are great opportunities to focus on your child and follow his or her whims and impulses without having to achieve any particular goal.
5. Lead. Your increased free time can also be put to use by being involved in the school community and organizing group activities for your child and his or her classmates. Craig recently hosted an overnight campout in the mountains for a group of nine dads and their 10 daughters. Use your time to join parent-run school committees and attend lectures as well.
6. Mentor. The beauty of having already raised children means that you have experienced the various ups and downs of child development and marital relationship changes. While dads are not likely to attend open-ended parent support groups, you’ll find that other dads often reach out during casual conversation. Your older children’s previous academic experiences can help you offer vital perspectives in shaping the culture of your school.
7. Integrate. Having years of work experience means that many older dads have moved up the career ladder. The status allows you more leeway to bring your younger child to the office or to casual lunch meetings or social events. Your younger child is a real hit with younger adults in the office, and your child will love the special attention.
8. Read. Put your extra time to use reading with your child daily. Starting a book series is great bonding time that will enhance your child’s academic development and strengthen your relationship. As your child ages, jump in with the homework. Sitting side-by-side helps structure your child’s homework while you catch up on some work as well.